I've taken a look at your rough cut and I'm afraid there are a lot of problems with it. There are some odd transitions (for example, the mix between the Working Arts ident and the opening scene, the odd fade to black in the middle of the combat sequence). The narrative does not really hang together (the previous version had a storyline at least - this does not seem to make any sense... Why set it in the Falklands now? What has a TA centre got to do with a hospice? Why is he having psychological treatment at a TA centre or a hospice?). There is some ropey effects work (lack of muzzle flashes; the odd lens flare when the guy is shot) and some poor camera-work (the jerky pan at the TA centre, the framing of the two shot with your character and the psychiatrist - too much space above your heads). The titles are poorly done as well - where are all the production credits, for example? The monologue itself has some merit, although it does not make sense where it is. You would be better starting the film with this and intercutting or cutting away to your army footage.
At the moment, this is actually going to get fewer marks than your previous version. The last one was brought down (I think) to the middle of Level 3 (I had it at 46 and I think it went down to about 42). This version is on the cusp of level 2/3 (the ropey camera work and poor titles as well as the lack of narrative logic cannot be regarded as proficient). I could try to argue it to maybe 37, to reward the war sequence, but it would be touch and go.
Coupled with this, your planning/ research will not go much higher than the top of level 2 (although you have done research into films, other aspects - like target audience - have not been covered, and there is not physical evidence of planning apart from your script extract). I would put this at 11. So, based on the work you've done so far, you're looking at 48/80, which is worse than you did before. To improve on your final mark you would therefore need to get full marks on your evaluation.
To get higher marks, you need to do the following:
1. Use the original version of the opening sequence up to the end of the song 2. Do what I told you to do in the first instance and just reshoot the Army Recruitment bit making the camera-work better - you literally just need to do it shot-for-shot, keeping the same framing as the "wall/ walking" shot without the dodgy camera move. You could use elements of the monologue as a voice-over here (which is what I thought you were going to do in the first instance) 3. Add storyboards and production schedules to your blog, as well as call lists and some indication of who/ what your target audience is.
This is probably not what you want to hear right now, but you will need to work out a way of sorting this out pretty sharpish. E-mail me if you have any questions. I will also e-mail this to you.
I've taken a look at your rough cut and I'm afraid there are a lot of problems with it. There are some odd transitions (for example, the mix between the Working Arts ident and the opening scene, the odd fade to black in the middle of the combat sequence). The narrative does not really hang together (the previous version had a storyline at least - this does not seem to make any sense... Why set it in the Falklands now? What has a TA centre got to do with a hospice? Why is he having psychological treatment at a TA centre or a hospice?). There is some ropey effects work (lack of muzzle flashes; the odd lens flare when the guy is shot) and some poor camera-work (the jerky pan at the TA centre, the framing of the two shot with your character and the psychiatrist - too much space above your heads). The titles are poorly done as well - where are all the production credits, for example? The monologue itself has some merit, although it does not make sense where it is. You would be better starting the film with this and intercutting or cutting away to your army footage.
ReplyDeleteAt the moment, this is actually going to get fewer marks than your previous version. The last one was brought down (I think) to the middle of Level 3 (I had it at 46 and I think it went down to about 42). This version is on the cusp of level 2/3 (the ropey camera work and poor titles as well as the lack of narrative logic cannot be regarded as proficient). I could try to argue it to maybe 37, to reward the war sequence, but it would be touch and go.
Coupled with this, your planning/ research will not go much higher than the top of level 2 (although you have done research into films, other aspects - like target audience - have not been covered, and there is not physical evidence of planning apart from your script extract). I would put this at 11. So, based on the work you've done so far, you're looking at 48/80, which is worse than you did before. To improve on your final mark you would therefore need to get full marks on your evaluation.
To get higher marks, you need to do the following:
1. Use the original version of the opening sequence up to the end of the song
2. Do what I told you to do in the first instance and just reshoot the Army Recruitment bit making the camera-work better - you literally just need to do it shot-for-shot, keeping the same framing as the "wall/ walking" shot without the dodgy camera move. You could use elements of the monologue as a voice-over here (which is what I thought you were going to do in the first instance)
3. Add storyboards and production schedules to your blog, as well as call lists and some indication of who/ what your target audience is.
This is probably not what you want to hear right now, but you will need to work out a way of sorting this out pretty sharpish. E-mail me if you have any questions. I will also e-mail this to you.